Gay Dating

Online Flirting Tips for Shy Gay Men

Smiling Man on Laptop

Who’s That Talking?

This post is a handy compendium to “Late Night E-chat”. I’ve spent much time discussing the how-to’s of effective dirty-talk, but for absolute beginners, e-chat is the best way to practice.

The beauty of e-chat is that it allows for an excellent platform with which to work your dirty-talk outside of your own head—which, if you’re shy, is where it will frustratingly stay. But you can find your “voice”. Here are a few tips for all you shyboys:

— The absolute least distressing way to get comfortable with dirty talk is to be vocal while you’re alone wanking. You’ll already have either a “fantasy dialogue” you’ve concocted on your own or something you’ve lifted from a fave porn. Whichever. While you’re busy wanking, speak any/all of the roles, out loud. If you’re shy in general, even this step might take a while to overcome.

(An important note: Although vocalizing is not the same as—and arguably more demanding than—written dirty talk, or e-chat, it’s an extremely effective means of developing the kind of smutspeak that attracts you, and allows you to find your “voice”, which will, in all cases, not be the “voice” you use when speaking to your mother.)

— I think it’s important not to wait for guys to come to you. Be the one to engage them. Although it may seem like the most important reason to do so is the whole facing-your-fears-head-on theory, it actually has more to do with starting the game within your own playing field. Stick with what you’ve been practicing. You’ll have plenty of time to adlib once the responses start rolling in. Get online and give’er a go!

— Create a post smutty enough to elicit responses. Put the onus on potential hookups to woo you with their smutspeak. In truth, it’s not a competition you’ve created, but (hopefully, if you get enough hits) an influx of ideas and conversations other than your own. It’s an opportunity for you to practice “response”, safely, at your own pace, while using the “voice” you’ve been cultivating.

Eventually you’ll be applying all this practice to real-world hookups.

Shy is a sweet, novel attraction. But you’ll be hard-pressed to find a guy who doesn’t think the only thing that should stop incessant smutspeak is a mouthful of cock.

Overcoming Dating Insecurities

Be safe!

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Tell us what you think!

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