There can easily be a disconnect between the guy you’ve been e-chatting and the (same) guy you eventually hookup with. He seemed sexier online, naughtier, perhaps even more open-minded. What gives?
Here’s what gives:
Communication spewed at midnight is not the same as that you hear at 9am. Perhaps some “scientician” out there has a mighty explanation for it, but here’s how I see it—we tend to feel safely friskier in the wee hours. Late-night allows us to drift into a zone often not available to our consciousness during the day. There are (usually) no distractions. We become our fantasy-selves, speak in our fantasy-voices, and disclose our fantasies themselves. Come morning, our 9–5 workday-selves lack spunk in comparison.
This isn’t usually a problem if it’s a guy you’ve already hooked up with in the past; just continue from wherever you left off. Otherwise, I recommend the following options:
— Keep your smutspeak for the wee hours. Let it be your guilty pleasure.
— Don’t lead other guys on if you don’t think you can subsequently muster your promised goods.
— Agree to resume your e-chat style when meeting in person. Be specific about what you wanna talk about when you meet. Under a midday sun, it might take a while to get the conversation to the point of spiciness, it may even feel awkward, but once the ball gets rolling, no time of day can stop the momentum of horniness.
If you’re uncomfortable with any and/or all of the follow-up but still like to get your ya-ya’s out through e-chat, then by all means do so (it is, after all, a very fun thing to do). BUT—once you get online, be sure to make it clear that you are online only for chat. And don’t worry about feeling guilty about wanting only to chat and not hookup! There are plenty of guys who love dirty e-chat enough—in and of itself—to want to join you. Heck, we’ve all had a good e-wank somewhere along the way. If you’ve made it clear that you’re only there to chat, and some wanker freaks on you for not going further and hooking up, that’s his problem.
Personally I encourage the release of the Late-Nite-E-chat-Beast. It’s good practice and fun fantasy-play. Who says we have to be ourselves all the time?
Not me, that’s who!