While it’s true that most times honesty is the best policy, often there are plenty of good reasons that an individual might want to keep their dating on the “down low,” and one merely has to peruse the news headlines for examples: televangelists, politicians, celebrities, sports figures, and military personnel are just some of the notable categories of otherwise str8 men who find their private proclivities outed in the press.
Why Discreet Dating?
Even if you’re just an average Joe, you may have good reason to want to keep your activities private – be it a wife and kids, worries about your continuing employment, or you simply value your privacy.
Maybe you haven’t decided if the lifestyle is right for you, so you’re not willing to broadcast your orientation until you’re sure. There are complications that might result from your proclivities becoming known by the wrong people, and you have a right and a duty to protect yourself.
Tips for Discreet Gay Dating
Understand the Risks
First you’ll need to face-up to the fact that you are taking a risk, no matter how careful you are, any time you allow someone to know your secret. Even if it’s a stranger there’s a possibility through a series of long-shot coincidences that your activities will be found out, and what you’ve feared most will happen. Understand the risk and make the decision beforehand that if the worst should happen, you will muddle through it. It might be a big, horrible deal if your secret gets out, but it won’t be the end of the world even if it feels that way. One only needs to look to the aforementioned big name individuals who were “outed” to see that their lives did indeed go on; and while their lives did change, they did not end. And in some cases, they improved when they were released from the weight of their secret.
Avoid Unnecessary Risks
Some down-lows will frequent escorts or pursue anonymous sex in public places. Don’t! Getting arrested for public sex or sex with a prostitute (or any number of other activities that gets law enforcement involved) is only going to make things much more risky, and the consequences of being found out much more dire, more than negating any notion of safety one gains by getting involved with “professionals” or strangers.
Watch Your Digital Trail
Create a separate email account that will be used solely for the purposes of arranging your liaisons, and only access the account and any incriminating websites with your browser in “private mode” lest someone find you out by simply looking at your browsing history. In the same vein, buying a cheap prepaid cell phone will allow you to have a non-traceable means of communication outside of your normal, and accessible to others, mobile account.
Be Discreet With Your Photos
Obviously you don’t want to post your face pic as your main profile picture on gay dating sites, and while it might limit your prospects as many online daters require seeing a face pic to meet, you can at least hold back by keeping your face picture as a private photo to be shown briefly to close the deal without the worry that you have an identifiable picture out there 24/7, just waiting for someone you know to stumble across. If you have good game, or have pictures showing compelling enough attributes, you can often get someone to meet you without ever showing them your face picture, but it will take a bit more effort.
If you’re trying to keep your private activities private, you might consider limiting your experiences to “one and done” which will limit the potential of someone taking too much of an interest in you and perhaps deciding to out you in order to further some personal agenda. If you decide to see someone regularly, keep on the alert for warning signs of him becoming dissatisfied with your arrangement and personal situation. Choose your partner for any on-going situation very carefully. That flighty, high-strung cutie might be sexy and exciting, but what’s going to happen when he starts to resent being second-string? Making clear-headed decisions ahead of time can save you a great deal of aggravation later on.
Find Other Discreet Gay Men
What might be the ideal situation for dating on the down low is finding another who is in a similar situation. He will not only understand exactly what you’re contending with in the rest of your life, but he’ll also provide the added security of mutually-assured damage should your relationship become known. More daring types even integrate their “friendship” into their larger lives, adapting a cover story for their friendship which allows them the freedom to maintain their relationship in plain sight with no one the wiser. “Honey, I’m going to watch the football game at Joe’s this Sunday” is the perfect cover if you’re indeed going to go hang out at Joe’s place.
Make Safety a Priority
Finally a word about safer sex. The last thing you want to do is expose your mate (if you have one) to an STD and even if you don’t have someone else in your life, you really don’t want to expose yourself either. Always practice safe sex when you’re on the down-low! Now get out there, be careful, and have fun!
1 thought on “Discreet Dating Tips for Gay Men on the Down Low”
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