Not everyone is looking for a relationship, an in the gay community, it’s often one-time hookups that are the audition for a long-term relationship anyway. So with that in mind, it’s probably helpful to point out some common sense pointers to make your hookups happen and have them be fruitful.
DO go to an online site to find your next man. These days the only men who frequent gay bars are those meeting up with their friends and alcoholics, some falling into both categories. Gay bars are so last century and are closing down left and right.
DO practice safe sex every single time. Regardless of what your date tells you, you really have no idea if it’s the truth or if he is even truly aware of his HIV status. Always always practice safe sex because you’re putting your life into the hands of a complete stranger, whose motivation is to get into your pants, and we all know how we can get when there’s some nookie in the offing. Bring your own condoms. Whether you’re a top or a bottom you need to make sure that there are an adequate supply of condoms available, so bring your own, even if your date says he has them. The last thing you want is to be mid-session and discover that you’re out of condoms, as you might make the wrong choice when you’re in the throes of passion.
DO be honest. Whether it’s having the correct stats on your dating profile, and yes that includes your actual age, weight and height. Your profile pics should be recent and accurately reflect what you look like. We’ve all had the experience of meeting someone who has misrepresented themselves, and while there are some out there who are delusional, the majority of those who misrepresent themselves figure they’ll get away with it. You’re there and you’ve agreed, at least in principle, to have sex and they count on that (in)convenience factor to allow them to skate past the misrepresentation. If you’re 40 and you look 30, congratulations! However the number still exists and lying about it is not appropriate. DON’T be that guy.
DO have fun. You’ve gotten into bed with a guy you’re attracted to and presumably is attracted to you, so by all means let loose and enjoy it for all it’s worth. Enjoy the moment in time you presently occupy and recognize that this is a singular experience. Whether it’s your first hookup or your 100th, each experience is unique and should be savored!
DON’T have unrealistic expectations. If you’re meeting for a hookup, now is not the time to push for moving towards a relationship. Have your (safe) fun and accept it for what it is. If there’s chemistry, great but don’t go for that brass ring right away if that’s your goal. Just as we know many long-term couples who got their start with casual sex, there are plenty of hookups that get uncomfortable when one of the parties goes off the agreed script and starts picking out curtains. If there’s to be something more, or a repeat, let it develop naturally and mutually.
DON’T feel shame. Shame and guilt surrounding sex is endemic to western culture, and it is unproductive. You came, you saw and you came – what else could you have hoped for? If the experience was not to your liking, well, treat it as a learning experience and move on from there. Fortified with the knowledge you’ve gained, you’ll know what to avoid in the future. There’s never a reason for feeling shame about your hookups, unless of course you’ve decided to have sex with someone who misrepresented themselves and had sex just because you were already there.
Also read: Hookups: Pick-Up vs. Delivery
What Do’s and Don’ts for Gay Hookups can you add?