Argh! Jealousy! The most USELESS of virtues!
Dealing with your jealous boyfriend should be pretty straightforward. Find out why he’s jealous. Is he being paranoid? If so, you help to reassure him his feelings are unjustified; and if he remains whacko about it then chances are the relationship is impossible. If he’s not paranoid, and you’re up to something that justifies his jealousy, then you’re an asshole, and you should either stop or put the poor guy out of his misery.
Either way—identify the problem and clear it up before it eats you from the inside out. That’s what jealousy does.
Now let’s come right out with it: some guys are just chronically, clinically, and frustratingly jealous, no matter what the reality around them. Maybe they’ve been duped in the past, or something, I dunno. But I know so many guys who get stuck in “jealous” relationships, and I can’t figure out how they manage.
Just because yours isn’t an open relationship doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be allowed to go online and chat with your friends. You shouldn’t have to negotiate to spend an evening with your friends, without him. No one should be entitled to sneak into your email and phone texts. If you’re not sneaking around, why should you be spied upon by your own partner?
It’s unhealthy. And toxic.
There’s no positive side to jealousy. The kinds of emotions at its root are insecurity, anger, fear, resentment—all bad ones. Living with them, and allowing them to fester, is a pretty shitty way to be in a relationship. And there’s a danger that a jealous-quality can be “sweet” at first; but anyone who starts showing signs of jealousy when they barely even know you…? That’s a red flag. There’s nothing cute about it.
A jealous relationship won’t withstand the weight of stress and anxiety. Certainly not for those who value peace of mind.
And those who persist in remaining in that kind of situation are not necessarily better or wiser for it.