Benefits Don’t Come Free
Never try to snatch benefits from a friend. Instead you should try to become friends with someone dishing out benefits.
If you hit on a friend, you risk the following:
1. major awkwardness if the pass fails
2. when the benefits end (and they will end), the friendship is toast
So, again: find someone to fuck and, if the experience was so awesome you keep coming back for more, become friends.
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But even within a benefits-only relationship, there should be a protocol of courtesy established. Both parties must agree on:
- How much notice must be given?
- Are last-minute hookups allowed?
- Is the relationship a secret? Who’s allowed to know?
- If it’s secret, how will you communicate? (Phone? Email? Text?)
- Your place? My place? Hotel?
- Can you go to restaurants or movies or whatever? Or is it benefits only?
- Are private lives off-limits?
- Have you agreed on a way to breakup without acrimony?
If you’re looking for something “more”, make it clear before the situation gets… well, icky, let’s say. Be sure to state your intentions up front! Are you setting out to find a fuck-buddy, or are you actually hoping for a full-on relationship? If all you’re after is someone with whom you can have a good time—often—then just say so. Cuz here’s the thing: many people imagine having a friend with benefits, but they’re too shy to chase it, or they think it’s somehow wrong or whatever. Trust me, they’re out there, and they’re thinking about it.
Friends with benefits might come and go, but if managed properly—with respect, and courtesy—there’s little reason why the best of these relationships can’t stand the test of time. The ones that last and evolve and become something meaningful are grounded in a solid set of mutual commandments.
Follow your commandments and thou shalt reap the benefits.