Meeting Gay Men at the Gym

It’s almost a little embarrassing that everyone knows gyms are a favorite place for us to cruise. But going to the gym means so much more. Too bad there’s such a class system to The Gay Workout.

First, here’s what upsets me about those I call The Gym Bunnies. These are the perfectly-toned poseurs who are snobbish about muscle. In their online profiles, these guys come within an inch of demanding their prospective hookups’ body mass index. I’ve even read the likes of, “Don’t bother hitting me up unless you work out.” Here’s what these guys should know: the fact that they only post muscle pics rather than cock pics makes the rest of us suspect their cocks are small. So there.

At the opposite end of the class war are The Soggies. These guys show up at the gym for about three sessions. Maybe they don’t care that being unfit vastly limits their hookup options — we all know there’s a chubby category. We also know there are plenty of guys who aren’t fussy about body type. But, cripes man, for your own health, don’t you think one of them machines might keep you alive a little longer? It certainly helps the blood flow to your wiener. Please think about it.

Because that’s what going to the gym should be about: getting healthy. That’s the middle class I call The Sweaties. We’re working out because it’s the right thing to do. If we can get a little toned, bonus. If it helps us to look and feel better before hooking up, bonus. If we happen to cruise a hottie out of the corner of our eye, bonus. But we’re not there to impress anyone. We’re there to ensure we don’t break a hip when we’re old.

Here’s the sad part about writing this whole diatribe: Soggies would never stop to read anything with the word “gym” in the title anyway, and Gym Bunnies, well, let’s just say anyone who judges someone else by their body mass index probably doesn’t know how to read. It’s a sad world.

So you better be strong and supple!

Be safe!

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