Sure I love take-charge men. I love their confidence, and how it makes me feel like a submissive bottom-slut. What I’m not so crazy about are those who don’t understand that “dominant” doesn’t have to mean “abusive”.
I understand and appreciate that pain is very much an attraction to some. That’s all cool. But just like, let’s say, fisting, it’s not for everyone. What can I say, there are simply some things I prefer to live without:
- and, most importantly, getting my ass ripped to shreds
Read profiles carefully. When a guy makes the effort to include “aggressive”, take it at face value. I’ve made this mistake too many times (thus this post). I’ll notice the word “aggressive”, but because everything else in the profile looks great, I cave, insisting before the hookup, “I’m not really into pain, though. Are you cool to go easy on my ass?” They always say “sure!”. Next thing you know I’m an inch away from needing a walker.
But just because guys like me don’t enjoy pain, doesn’t mean we’re turned off by dominance. There are some less agonizing alternatives that are just as sexy:
- command mongering
- verbal assault
- immobilization (or what I like to call The Pin-Down)
You get the idea. Please try to, at least.
There’s even a more subtle approach that shouldn’t be overlooked: though we might not enjoy pain, we can enjoy the threshold of pain. It’s a delicate edge, but it’s there, and it’s a worthy exercise in its own right. But the threshold of pain is not pain. Guys who can take you to that edge without resorting to abuse get high props in my book. They’re awesome lovers, indeed.
So bring on your bossiness, bring on your force, bring on your humiliation; but unless you’re given the thumbs-up, please keep the heavy artillery in its case. Pleasure only, please.
Therein lies the lesson: guys who are into aggression get off on aggression. No different, really, than the fact that guys—like me—who are into filthy verbal can’t get off with Mr. Shyboy.
We all have our thing, right?
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