When people discover that I write these columns for a living, I often get bombarded with questions, most of them lame (“Do more guys wanna fuck you cuz you’re a writer?”, to which I always have to reply with a deflated “no”.)
But one question that is worthy of examination: Do I think it’s really possible to find love online?
Considering my wages are paid for by a dating site, you’d expect me to feel obliged to respond with a loud’n’proud “Of course!”Alas, that’s not the case. To expect that love can be found online is a step removed from reality.
But here’s what I do wholeheartedly believe: a successful online relationship can easily lay the foundation towards falling in love. Put another way, you won’t fall in love online, but you can find—online—the guy with whom you might eventually fall in love.
A deep connection can be formed through an ongoing online relationship. We can often find it easier to let our guard down, safety tucked away wherever we happen to lay our computers and mobile devices. We can edit what we say, ensuring our sweet nuthins are polished and well thought-out. We can practice being naughty without the pressure of performance. A bond might develop, along with (what I call) “online trust”. Soon enough all we’re thinking about is getting back to messaging the guy with whom we think we’ve fallen in love.
It’s a good start, and never to be discredited. But it all means nothing unless it’s tested real-world. Words offer mere potential. If action doesn’t back them up, you’ve been living in fantasyland. As sad as it may be, things like behaviour, personal habits, reliability, etc.—all the boring realities—will only come to light offline, in each other’s company, at close quarters. Your connection may, indeed, continue to be as harmonious as it was online; or it may be disastrous. Either way, you’ll never be able to know until you get away from the computer and test it.
Dive in. Don’t be discouraged. But expect nothing more than to be able to claim, “We met online!”
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What do you think? Is it possible to find more than a hookup online?