Hooking Up with Vanilla Gay Sex Partners

I think it’s fair to say that most guys—gay, straight, and everything in between—are sex hounds. Hangups aren’t an issue, and we just don’t see the big deal about casual sex. Basically, the more the better, and the better the better.

What baffles me are vanillas. I swear this isn’t a judgment—if a guy prefers to keep his shags all tame and Mother Theresa-like, then all the power to him. I just don’t understand it.

But as few as vanillas may be, they’re out there. And it’s my theory that they’re missing out on having better sex for reasons worth considering:

  1. “I tried that, didn’t like it.” This one I can work with. There’s still good reason to believe he tried “it” with the wrong guy, or a guy who didn’t know what he was doing. There’s hope yet!

  1. “That one makes me nervous.” Fear of the unknown is debilitating. Fair enough. But when I hear about the fear factor, I rest assured that a little education and practice go a long way. Fear can be overcome if, behind it, there’s a an interest in giving it a go.

  1. “I don’t even know what that means.” In the age of cyberlife, that statement likely means you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t get out much. You can certainly try enlightening him on the nuances of ball-gags, but you’d be better off moving on. If he’s not even tapped into what things mean, chances are he ain’t interested in trying any of them.

  1. “I’m not a slut.” This one kills me. It’s often the response to suggestions like group sex. Why should there be a line drawn between naughty and nice? Sex is sex, whomever is going at it. If sex is important to you, the words “I’m not a slut” should be a red flag for sex so vanilla that not even an apple pie would lie next to it.

Here’s my idea:

The rest of us should begin a campaign to educate all vanillas on what they’re missing! I’m convinced that with a bit of gentle coaxing, we can get all the vanillas off the side of of plate—where it only melts untouched anyway—and onto the sweet stuff, where it belongs.

As is often the case, communication can go a long way towards knowing whether or not you’re wasting your time…or on the cusp of finding your next awesome lover.

Be safe!

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