Just the Tips

Talking Sex: Before, During, and After

Two Men in Sillouette

I never understand guys who prefer silent-movie sex. There are so many advantages to sexspeak—before, during, and after the deed!

Before
Don’t you even wanna know if the guy you just met online and are planning to hookup with is even interested in the same kind of sexystuffs that you are? There’s such a thing as sexual incompatibility, and you can either discover it too late, when you’re already in the bedroom, or you can have a chat about sex ahead of time. Don’t you want to share fantasies that you’re looking to try? How will you ever get to try them unless you share them with someone? Not to mention, above all else, talking about sex beforehand is awesome foreplay—and you can do it in public (sotto voce, of course) AND while you’re still in your clothes.

During
Baseball be damned. Nothing’s hotter than play-by-play chitchat during sex. It’s like you’re in a porno! And the easiest way to get exactly what you like best in bed is to ask for it, to talk about what you like, how you like it done. And to ask what the other guy likes, and let him talk you through it. It’s pretty basic, really. But it’s also worthy of practice. “During” is also the time to make clear what you don’t like. Only you are to blame if you have a shitty time because the other guy had no idea you didn’t like whatever it was he was doing to you all night. Speak up. And always remember: when you’re having sex, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And if “no” isn’t getting through—time to get your pants back on.

After
Ah, the post-mortem. Just as critical in its call for sexspeak, I say. How else will you know what worked for each other, and what didn’t? If you’re planning on having sex again with the guy in the future, the post-mortem will better your odds that round two will be even better. It’s your chance to fine-tune, and learn a little something about yourself and your partner. And if the post-mortem is honest and celebratory, the round two starter-pistol usually fires that same night—because of all the extra sexspeak.

Argh, who am I kidding: I like talking about sex 24hrs a day.

Oh, and, groaning/moaning/grunting behind a ballgag counts as talking…

Be safe!

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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