Sexting 101

We now live in a world of short attention spans, thank you very much Steve Jobs, may you rest in peace. The quick-burst lifestyle we’ve come to adopt via our devices and gaming systems has affected our ability to communicate beyond a sound bite.

This isn’t such a bad thing for those who like to sext. Effective sexting must be succinct.

The trouble with having a dirty conversation on your cell phone is that it can get clumsy. Worse, the length of time it takes to type and send a given text will greatly affect the pacing of all that heavy pet talk. Total buzz-kill.

For starters, don’t go on and on in a single text. It’s not the time to unleash your sound-of-one-hand-clapping. What I like to do in the first text is set up the idea of a forthcoming list of, let’s say, all the dirty things I want to get up to on that night’s date. Not only will that keep the text short, the anticipation begins immediately. Each subsequent text will include no more than more dirty action. That also ensures the recipient isn’t waiting forever on the other end, wondering if you’ve drifted off.

To control the pace, hit the least amount of keys possible. Fuck the “shift” key – avoid capital letters. Use contractions – “wanna” instead of “want to”. And avoid compound sentences – keep to the dirtiest bits, with a simple subject/verb/object. How many of us actually watch an entire porn movie?  N-no, we just go to the best bits, the juiciest bits, and skip the rest. Imagine your recipient is your porn audience.

I happen to think the best sext is usually shocking. Chances are it’s being read at the most inappropriate of times/places, hopefully giving the reader a visibly hot flush that he finds difficult to explain to those around him. If you send him a single three-pager, no matter how many semi-colons were carefully placed, chances are he won’t read it until lunch time.

You may also want to heed this advice: confirm your recipient before sending…

Oh, and, turn off the auto-correct – it’s not very sexy getting a text that reads, “I wanna suck your cup”.

Be safe!

Got any sexting lingo to share with Men Tonight readers?

Leave a Comment