That new guy who just started working down the hall in the marketing department sure is hot. I think I’ll make a move. Then we’ll go out. Then we’ll fuck like a Japanese tsunami. Then it’ll end. Then it’ll go bad. Then it’ll forever be awkward and impossible to navigate the office hallways. Probably.
Odds are never in your favor when you dip your cock into the worksauce. Sex with a co-worker promotes secret affairs, split allegiances, missed meetings, and let’s be honest here, total distraction on the way to/while at/on the way home from work. If you have any sort of professionalism at all, that should be enough to turn you off of the idea.
Ah, but — if only we had the courage to heed the warnings of our loins! To understand they’re shouting, “Keep it in your pants!” rather than, “Whip it out! Show him how awesome it is!” Sadly, regret is a lesson late-learned.
So lemme spell it out for you:
- rumours WILL spread around the office
- your professionalism will be scrutinized, let alone judged
- duties will be overlooked because of your distraction
- friends will be lost
- a fling is not worth the subsequent headache you’ll likely face when it all comes to an end
I’ve been there, trust me.
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And there’s something interesting I’ve come to notice. Now whenever I get the hots for someone at work (obviously we can’t control whom we’re attracted to, only what we do about it), I keep it to myself and wait to see how I feel in about a month. Sure enough, the intensity dissipates and my loins return to being-productive-at-the-office levels. I breathe a sigh of relief and thank my lucky stars that I didn’t do anything stupid or embarrassing.
There are SO many other ways to meet people! Online! Bars! Through friends and family! In the dog park! Fuck, pick’em up at church! But if you have to choose only one no-fly zone, let it be the office.
And to any long-term couples reading this who met while at work: congrats on being the exceptions! May you live long and prosper.