Human sexuality has long been thought of as a binary system that classifies people as being either heterosexual or homosexual, with bisexual often thrown in as either a transitional identification on the way to actualization of one’s presumed gay identity. But out in the real world it’s being discovered that it’s a bit more complicated than that.
While it’s often accepted in the public’s imagination that the moment a heterosexual man has gay sex, he somehow has forfeited the right to be classified as “straight.” This fails to take into account how many genuinely heterosexual men have sex with other men. In a recent, randomized, peer-reviewed study conducted in New York City it was found that almost 10% of men who reported their orientation as heterosexual had had at least one sexual encounter with another man in the previous 12 months, and of that 10%, 70% were married to women. Clearly this whole gay/straight divide is not reflected in reality.
Among those coming of age today, the black and white, gay or straight labels seem antiquated, leading to them coining a myriad of new terms to take into account all the various shades of grey, including hetero-flexible and its homo-flexible counterpart, as well as terms that reject any ties to homo-hetero labeling like pansexual and omnisexual, but as the study we cited above tells, this re-labeling is in reaction to the realities in the real world, rather than the force driving changes. And the maturation of the culture and the liberalization of community values, abetted in large part by the internet, has allowed for men to more easily explore those aspects of their sexuality with less risk. Anyone can find gay porn online and watch it with complete anonymity, and should they find that stimulating there are a whole host of gay dating sites, catering to nearly every conceivable type of man, from twinks to big and burly bears – all just a mouse click away.
In another example of men who reject the “gay” identity while having sex with men, the African-American community’s “down low” or DL culture has grown into a potent force of its own, and while most DL men maintain some level of the trappings of a heterosexual lifestyle, even those who self-identify as having 100% homosexual encounters reject the gay label, associating it with effeminacy and white culture. Regardless of their hyper-masculinity and hip-hop sensibilities, these ebony men are still looking for gay sex, and there are even online dating sites devoted to hooking up urban thugs for DL encounters.
While this will not come as news to the breeder-chasers out there, there are plenty of heterosexual men looking for sex with men, and if you’re a hetero guy looking for another str8 guy to have some fun with who is on the same boat as you, there’s online dating sites for you as well, like DiscreetGayDating.com.
In this day and age, you are the sole arbiter of your sexuality, be it hetero, homo, DL, or anything else for that matter. You only go throughout this life once, so make the most of it while you can!
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject in the comments!