While legal gay marriage continues to expand in the United States and Europe, inexorably becoming a normal and uncontroversial way of being, some make the mistake of seeing this as embracing the hetero-normative, presumably (though demonstrably not) the monogamous marriage model.
Some have made the argument that gay promiscuity in part, stems from the inability to enter into the legally binding institution of marriage. While we’re in favor of whatever argument that can be brought to bear in the furtherance of our full equality, gay marriage is about that equality and the rights and protections afforded by the institution, not the trappings and morays of the larger cultural ideals of marriage. Heterosexual “monogamous” marriage often fails those who participate in it. We all know straight friends and coworkers who routinely cheat on their spouses, some of them quite proud of their extramarital dalliances, and with a divorce rate over 50% in the United States, heterosexual marriage can hardly be called a successful institution.
While we’re not necessarily advocating polyamory here, the more successful heterosexual and homosexual relationships we’ve known have not been entirely monogamous, whether it was bringing in a third or another couple now and then, or having a set of rules and guidelines for acceptable extracurricular activities. Relationships that work have open communication, acceptance of the occasional misstep, and rational rules that the couple could live with.
While many of us can now get married, it doesn’t really change gay dating and long-term relationships one bit. Men are still men, horny and opportunistic as ever, and as capable of giving and receiving love, affection and support over the long haul as we ever were, whether it’s ‘”til death do you part” or something much shorter. Much like in the old days, we constructed our own “families” and were not beholden to mainstream, breeder sensibilities. Just as you’re unlikely to find a gay man who believes in the “three-date rule,” or any of the other faulty prescriptives that govern hetero relationships, the rules that will govern your gay marriage, should you choose to enter it, are up to you and your prospective spouse to negotiate and agree upon.
If you think you might be ready to tie the knot, check out this forward thinking gay marriage website!