Beware: Google Search Will Out You

That damn Google is always one step ahead. Let that be a warning to all closeted guys who think they’re pulling the wool over their female partners’ eyes.

Maintaining a straight relationship — married, or otherwise — when you’re secretly gay is no tall order. Neither is coming out. Even harder when you have kids. So you maintain a covert, alternate life. But you’re fooling yourself if you think she’s not on to you.

You only have to type as far as is my hus before you get the option is my husband gay. It’s the most popular search. So it’s clearly the most popular question facing suspicious wives. Not cheating, not alcoholic, not depressed. Gay. Know what else that means? It means there are sites out there listing all of the signs to identify a closeted gay husband. Be prepared: you’re probably exhibiting all the signs.

Any of these touch a nerve?

  • Your browser history is always cleared
  • You want less sex at home
  • You claim to be depressed
  • You start asking her to use sex toys on you
  • You have secret text conversations
  • Your computer now suffers from “gay pop-up” syndrome

Look, the list goes on, and so do the sites.

Rest assured you’re not alone. There are plenty of CuriousHubbys and hornydaddys online. Coming out is tough enough; having to do it so late in the game is worse.

That leaves you with three choices:

  • keep living the lie until you get caught (and you will get caught)
  • suppress who you really are in order to never get caught but live a miserable life
  • come out of the closet

My advice is always the same: come out. Much pain for more gain. As cliché as it is, time really does heal. Your family might hate you at first, but in the end you’re only hurting them — and yourself — more by making everyone miserable with your lie. That there’s no easy way is one of the saddest things.

So next time you’re cruising online, hear the Googleman’s voice in the back of your head whispering, “She’s on to you…”

Be safe!

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