When Sex Drives Are Out of Sync

You’ve Lost That Fuckin’ Feelin’

Maybe one of you in the relationship isn’t in the mood anymore; maybe one of you is more in the mood than ever before. Yikes all-round.

I’ve read and watched so many advice “pieces” on what to do when you and your partner fall sexually out-of-sync. Not only do I usually find them corny in a self-help-ish kinda way, I shake my head at their inefficacy. It’s naïve to think you might reignite the spark by watching a porn together.

What you need to do is identify the fork in the road. Easier said than done. Have you ever asked a person suffering from chronic depression, “But, I don’t get it—what’s wrong?!” Chances are you’ll be met with a complete shutdown. It ain’t easy opening up to such a vast and vague query.

You gotta play detective. Try these specific questions to help narrow it down. Simple yes-or-no answers will get you closer to an understanding:

– Was there a libido gap when you met?

– Can you pinpoint when the change occurred?

– If one partner’s libido is escalating, did it start to do so only after the other partner’s dropped?

– Is Mr. Low-Libido’s drive working fine if he’s alone, masturbating?

– Is it frustrating that your libido is low, or do you not even care?

– (Sadly, it must be asked) Do other guys make you horny?

The simple answers to these yes-or-no questions will begin the dialogue. If you’re both honest with each other, the closer you’ll get to solving the mystery.

But here’s what you won’t often hear in those self-help videos: only you—as individuals—can decide, based on the truthful realities now put before you, whether or not the gap can be closed.

If sex is important to you—to the point of not being able to live without it—can you really pack it away for the sake of love? Can emotional love maintain itself without being in cahoots with physical love?

That’s up to you as an individual. And don’t let anyone—me included—insist on what’s best for your happiness.

Be safe!

Also read: Advantages of Taking a Sex Break

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