We’ve all been there. You get into a big argument with your lover, insults and accusations dive-bomb like shuttlecocks, next thing you know you’re back in the sac for a little of the ol’ in ’n’ out. Everything’s better now, right?
Not in my books. I try to avoid make-up sex. I don’t trust it. Oh, sure, it goes down smoothly. But just because you don’t choke on the Kool-Aid doesn’t mean it’s safe to drink.
I worry that the closer we get to resolving an argument, the more that awesome make-up sex is within reach. It’s distracting, and as a result we risk not thoroughly addressing the issue at hand. We jump three steps ahead to the make-up sex.
I’d never suggest holding off make-up sex for a week, or even days—not only can I not last that long without sex anyway, I’d never deny the efficacy of a post-argument shag. But I will hold out for a day. Why not first see if the issue has truly been resolved? Why let a hard-on cloud your judgement?
Here’s the problem: make-up sex is so good! And no wonder—you’re both all fired up with emotion and negativity, and within no time it swings to passion and optimism. Next thing you know, you’re treating each other to all your old favorites. That’s hard to resist. But I assure you, if the argument isn’t completely resolved, having sex will only put it on standby. It’ll soon resurface, and consciously or not, we may end up resenting having had that curtain-call shag.
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Why not consider an alternative: after the fight, exercise. Alone or as a couple. That’s my technique. It’s physical and helps you think while distancing you for a while, and hell, the side-effects are always worth it. I promise, promise, promise you—if you and yours are destined to last, waiting a day to have sex won’t kill you.
And, technically, it’s still your first shag after the fight, so why shouldn’t it be just as satisfying?