How to Make Your Pad Hookup Friendly

Would It Kill You to Sweep?

Like many guys, keeping a clean home is not my priority. Well, not my top priority, at least. I generally only scramble to do so when I know someone is coming over.

Which should be the least everyone does! I hate hooking up with a guy only to find myself surrounded by damp, furry clusters of who-knows-what around his place.

Is it not a sign of maturity to acknowledge that all the grime and mold might be unhealthy? If not, then at least know how off-putting it is. And if you think your date won’t judge you based on how clean (not tidy, but clean) your living-space is, you better give your head a shake. It’s all very simple: youwillbejudged based on how disgusting your place is.

So clean your goddamn apartment!

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Take the bathroom. Skidmarks are bad enough, but I hooked up with a guy whose toilet was left unflushed, with a bowl full of shite looking up at me. Argh! I left.

Would a clean sheet be such a tall order? Do we not deserve not to have to worry about bedbugs? Bedbugs aren’t worth any shag. Consider me gone.

The smell of a long-unchanged kitty-litter box is another red flag, causing immediate olfactory distress. You can only wonder: if he can’t bother to maintain the cleanliness and well-being of his pet, what does that say about his own habits? Yuk.

Expend a little elbow-grease. Next time you have a few days off in a row, scour and scrub in such a way that not only will your apartment be hookup-worthy, but all subsequent cleanings will require nothing more than a freshening-up. You’ll be able to extend last-minute invitations and not feel ashamed.

I promise, promise, promise I’m not a clean-freak. At all. This isn’t coming from a place of neurotic housekeeping. It’s about decency. I can live in my own mess, but I would never expect it of others.

Besides, if things are clean, chances are I’ll be more inclined to get dirty…

Be safe!

Would you leave his place if it wasn’t up to your standards?

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