So, you haven’t had a decent date in a while. Or any date. Don’t get all depressed. It’s not a sign that you’re doomed to a life of solitary wanking. It’s a simple and unfortunate fact of dating: we all go through dry spells. Take a lesson from nature – the rains eventually come.
Here’s what you gotta remember: if you’re a regular online dater, you’re going to start recognizing profiles. After a while it’ll start to feel like the scene is just the same-old-same-old. And the same guys seem to be hanging around your local watering hole. You’re probably not imagining it. It is the same-old-same-old.
One of the effects this can have on us is arguably worse than an irrational belief that we’re destined to be alone forever: it’s a tendency to lower the bar, to just keep dating. Whether it’s finding a guy for a late-night hook-up or making the effort to meet with guys whom – in days of plenty – you wouldn’t have ever considered interesting, settling-for-less is an easy option. But it’s ultimately a disappointing one, and not worth the effort.
I’ve finally managed to come to approach dry spells rationally. I know more guys will eventually sign up online. I also realize that different guys will eventually make their way to my ‘hood. New guys will cross my path, period. And once that settles in, I take a detour instead. I welcome the time-out from dating to do something different. I’ve learned French. I’ve travelled. I’ve taken the time to finally learn how to play that guitar that’s been in my closet since I was fifteen. And on and on. It’s hardly a newsflash that everything you do, witness, and experience shapes your life, hopefully adding to it in some positive way.
So once I get back to dating, two things happen: I feel inspired and invigorated by change and accomplishment, and I discover new guys have been signing up in my absence. No more same-old. Once again, for a while at least, it’s new-new. And maybe some of those activities you’ve been up to will widen your net of possibilities, give you more in common with more guys, and as a result make those dry spells fewer and fewer.
And in the meantime, goodness knows, there’s nothing a good wank can’t cure.