You’re either going to be glad you showed up for the date or disappointed with what you see before you. There’s not much in between. It’s a no-brainer if you land yourself an awesome hookup. Question is: if you’re disappointed, how will you handle it?
Your likely choices:
- bolt
- mercy-fuck him, then bolt
- tell some lie he’ll never believe (“It’s my mom calling from the hospital.”)
- be truthful
Whenever I found myself faced with a hookup who turned out to be a dud, I’d use the excuse (I’m sure I’ve said so somewhere within these posts) that I’d developed a sudden onset of diarrhea (who’d want me around? who’d want to confirm it?), and make my way into a cab home. So, number three I was.
Not anymore. I’ve grown up a little. Now I’m a number four. Just gotta be honest, no way around it. Prearranged calls and texts from friends as a backup exit have long become transparent. By the time you’re face to face with a hookup it’s too late to disclose that you never put out on the first date (it’s usually the reason we’re hooking up in the first place, so.) Beelining to the exit on your way to the washroom does make you an asshole, and mercy-fucking him, well, that’s up to you and your threshold of charity.
The solution is a collective agreement of understanding amongst all the players in the game: that it’s both unreasonable and ridiculous to think we’ll make an in-person connection with every guy we meet. In fact, the law of averages should prep us for the opposite: the ratio between guys we dig and guys we don’t is high.
So you sit down, chat, get to know each other a little, and if/when the sparks don’t fly, you simply and politely and respectfully say:
“I’m glad we met. But I have to be honest and say I’m not feeling a strong connection between us.”
It can be awkward, it can be icky. But be sure to avoid any subsequent negotiation, cuz that’s when it gets sad.
So use a sharp knife and make it quick.
Be safe!