Just Say “No”… Sometimes
Not everyone gets off in the same way. One guy’s pleasure can be another guy’s nightmare. We don’t all want to get fisted elbow-deep. When you meet a new hookup or are having sex with someone for the first time, it’s not a bad idea to lay down a few ground rules.
Surely you’ve heard the term “safe word”:
A predetermined and agreed upon word that, when used during sex, signals to your partner to stop what they’re doing, for whatever reason. Note: don’t use “stop” or “don’t” as safe words — for BDSMers, those words can be interpreted to mean “I love what you’re doing! Don’t stop!”
If, while in mid-thrust, you’re told to slam on the breaks, you must do so. Whatever the chosen safe word, no means no, stop means stop. No exceptions.
And speaking of slamming on the breaks, let’s not rush too-too quickly to collect clever safe words. With the exception of avoiding pain and discomfort (physical or emotional — unless, of course, that’s your thang), boundary-setting sometimes goes off-course. There can be other reasons why someone might think they need to set boundaries:
- You’re scared to try something new
- You have no idea how good something might actually feel
- You’re succumbing to societal expectations and judgment
- You’re a control freak
These hardly seem like positive reasons for setting boundaries. I sometimes hear guys say no to something because they don’t wanna be a slut. Or “group sex is for meth-heads.” Shit like that. Hardly healthy boundaries to foster a long-term sexual relationship, if you ask me.
Unless you’ve had a bad experience, or have some negative psychological connection to [whatever], why would you ever wanna pass on an opportunity to try something new, even just once, to at least see whether or not you like it? Set your boundaries, but don’t deny yourself.
And to those meeting someone who’s laid down boundaries: follow the given rules, or take a pass up front.
Hey, here’s a great idea: be honest with yourself about sexual compatibility, and don’t try to conform someone to your own sexual blueprint or it’ll eventually bite you in the ass.
Do you have a safe word to avoid being bitten in the ass?