If you’re new to online dating you’ll want to read this. If you’ve been online dating for a while and aren’t getting much luck, chances are you’ll also be needing the following advice.
Despite the fact that hooking up online comes about by tapping keys and clicking a mouse (how much less human could it be?), the last thing you should be doing is dishing out robotic introductory lines. There’s a real person on the other end, one with real feelings and desires—and until proven otherwise, intelligence.
Save the short’n’sweets for your regular hookups and those with whom you already have an online relationship. Otherwise you’ll come across quite distastefully.
What NOT to say when reaching out for the first time to a potential online hookup:
1. “Hey” (This one always kills me. How irresistible! How could anyone not be interested in a person who tries to pick them up with “Hey”? …ahem, ahem. Not. I usually jump to the conclusion they haven’t read a book since having been forced to do so in grade 10.)
2. “Wanna fuck?” (Unless a guy has specifically posted “If I’m online and looking to fuck”, then a simple greeting will likely get you further in the door.)
3. “Show me your face pic” (For discretionary reasons, many guys keep face pics private until they’re interested in sharing them with a potential hookup of their choosing. Asking to see a profile pic upfront comes across as shallow and unimaginative. And stupid. Earn it.)
4. “HIV neg, here. You be, too” (Need I say more?)
5. “Check out my stats” (It’s boastful, and presumptuous, hardly intriguing, certainly unimaginative. If you’re that proud of your stats, include them in your profile. If anyone is at all interested in you, they’ll find out all about your muscles and cock size soon enough.)
Seriously, people, nothing ever beats a kind hello. And if you really are interested in someone’s profile, a gentle—repeat, gentle—compliment will get you farther than, “Nice cock.”
If you’re getting an introductory message from someone that reads, “Hey. Show me your face pic. Check out my stats—8 inches uncut, here. Wanna fuck? Msg me. HIV neg. You be, too”, then it is time for a robotic click of the mouse—BLOCK.
Have any first message tips you can share. Leave a comment below!