Gay Dating: Safety before Sex

Tall, Dark, Handsome, and Shady

I prefer my love-of-a-good-mystery to be satisfied with novels and movies. I don’t want it in my dating life. I get very suspicious of guys who surround their past with unanswered questions and shady deflection tactics.

It’s easy to make allowances for mysteries when the guy you meet is charming, gorgeous, sexy, and smart – all the good, promising stuff you want on a first date. After all, it’s unrealistic to learn each other’s complete histories upon first meeting. In fact, if, while on a first date, we learn everything there is to know about the guy, chances are the conversation didn’t come easily, and, throughout the date, we’ve had to resort to the dreaded Q&A of our Personal Histories just to fill awkward silences.

So at what point do I expect to know all of a guy’s story? If Date #1 went well (and the sex was great, of course), and he and I plan to take it up a notch to that ambitious Date #2, then you can bet your bubblebutt that I expect answers.

In the gay scene, it’s not at all unusual to meet and date guys who were once married, sometimes with kids. Not all such guys are officially out of the closet. The last thing I want is to be sneaking around with a closeted family guy. He’s not ready, and I’m not interested in helping him carry his baggage. Nor do I want to discover this little secret of his by accidentally running into his wife and kids and having to be introduced as someone other than who I am: his new boyfriend. It’s only fair that I’m told of his situation immediately – the decision to date him is mine, and I will do so based on truth.

I also get very suspicious when a guy “can’t discuss” what he does for a living. My imagination immediately suspects he’s a criminal (I’m a drah-mah queen, what can I say), and, white-collar or not, the closest I get to crime is enjoying the occasional doob.

And why won’t he tell me where he lives, aside from the part-of-town? That’s a red flag.

Here’s what I’ll do:

If I really like the guy, it’s easy to do a bit of online stalking; maybe I’ll even find out something about him that will allow me to ask more specific questions. But unless I’m satisfied (and, hopefully, impressed), then I expect he’s got some ‘splaining to do.

No handsome-charming-sexpot is worth the risk of his mysteriousness becoming trouble down the road. Remember – anything that’s kept shtum, is usually done so for a reason, and usually not a good one.

I allow two dates to cover the broad strokes. Otherwise, I feel like I’m dating the villain in a 007 movie.

Be Safe!

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