Foods Not to Eat Before Sex
As a companion piece to my post: The Second Course: Eating after Sex, I thought I’d address the immediate question posed to me by my friends after they’d read it:
“What shouldn’t I eat?”
Somehow I thought what not to eat was a no-brainer. Guess not. I suppose this one goes out to newbies and foodies who get so caught up in the victuals before them that they overlook the possible consequences.
Whereas my previous post dealt specifically with the indulgences of eating after sex, the following takes into consideration practicality and common sense.
Shall we start with the obvious?
This one’s not rocket science. Basically, avoid anything that risks giving you the shits before the night is through. Stay away from Ethiopian, French, Mexican. Whatever you do, steer clear of the Indian buffet!
The Kernel’s Secret Recipe
I understand going to a movie is a perfect thing to do on date night. Be warned: movie popcorn has a long afterlife. It’s the kernels you need to worry about. Those little fuckers can cling to your colon in a most distasteful way.
Pasta is a sneaky little meal. The smallest portion can fill you, but there’s a delay. It takes some time to swell in your tummy. You keep eating the bread and the apps. Next thing you know, you’re too bloated to shag. You don’t want even wanna shag. The only thing that’ll bring you satisfaction is sliding into your fat pants and moaning.
Although green veggies certainly help keep you regular, I’m not about to suggest they’ll put you on the shitter before you get to doing. The trouble is they either A) keep us preoccupied with, or asking, “Do I have spinach in my teeth?”, or B) don’t preoccupy us, and we look ridiculous not realizing we have spinach in our teeth. It’s very distracting while fantasizing about the night ahead.
No doubt different foods affect different guys in different ways. If anything, just consider your own date-night menu ahead of time.
And hold off on the burritos until at least date #3.
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