The reason a partner continues to hang around is usually the same: an interim living arrangement while waiting to move into someplace new. Quite frankly, that’s a terrible reason. Only more heart/headache will ensue.
The reasons for ix-naying this option far outweigh what seems like a temporary convenience:
—Your daily norm will be dread. You and your ex will either fight or give each other the silent treatment. How unpleasant.
—If your ex is now involved with a new guy (and let’s be honest here, that’s not much of a stretch on our scene), do you really want to witness his new found happiness? Why would you subject yourself to hearing him shag someone else while you’re trying to sleep on the couch? You’ll be wanting to jump in front of a bus in no time.
—Whatever your reasons for breaking up, as long as you continue to live together you’ll find new ones. And the old reasons will only fester.
—Until one of you moves out, neither of you will have a home. Without a home, it’s harder to begin the healing process.
—If you’re the one making the split, hanging around might also send a message of false hope. Because you’re not yet out the door, maybe there’s a chance you’ll stay. If leaving is your mission, false hope must be kiboshed.
Getting out asap is the best course of action. If your new apartment isn’t available for a month, then it’s time to couch surf. Beg if necessary. Move in with your parents. A month is only a long time if you’re living in a state of acrimony.
What’s also often a point of contention is the splitting of “stuff”. Here’s what I say: Unless certain “stuffs” are clearly your property (owned before the relationship, or unwanted by your ex), don’t fight over it. No “stuff” is worth it, there’s nothing that can’t be replaced for the sake of peace of mind. Let it go. Let all the stuff go, if you must. Not clinging to furniture, CDs, towels, whatever, will only help drive home the message that the only priority is getting out.
A split is a split. Don’t prolong the unhappiness. It’s up to each of you to ensure the least amount of heartache is suffered.
Why wait until you’re forced to change the locks?