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3-Way Gone Wrong: Threesome Spoilers

Gay Lovers Arguing

So, I realize I’m often here extolling the virtues of group sex. And I continue to believe that it’s not only good for the sex life, but for the soul, too. And although I’ll sometimes drop a few red flags, I think it’s about time I devote an entire post to the potential downers of inviting a third party under the covers. Because it can go awry — which it recently did for me.

The context: I hooked up with a couple who wanted to play with a third. One guy had plenty of past experience and he had convinced his partner (who had no experience, and was wishy-washy about the whole thing) to give it a try.

But all it takes is one bad experience to potentially spoil it forever. Here’s what went down:

Jealousy. Guy #2 wasn’t coping very well as he watched his partner dig someone else. This is a big problem, because if the 3sum is going to be any good at all, your heart has to be in it. It’s not like you can deliver a half-assed job because you don’t want your partner to get jealous. You want the guest to have a good time. With one party out-of-sorts, it’s hardly a good time for anyone.

Awkwardness. It reached a point where they couldn’t even look at each other, let alone communicate. I felt like I was breaking them up. Once eye-contact is avoided and dialogue stops, every moment feels like a family time-out is about to be called.

Competition. There’s no point fighting for my attention — I’m there to share. But if the boys aren’t in sync with the 3sum idea, the guest can quickly find himself in a tug of war. It’s as though the guys are fighting not to be left out. But, for the record, in a 3sum no one is really left out: the extra body’s presence alone, even as a fluffer, is mighty exciting. Please don’t fight, boys.

Upset. By the time it was over it was clear that, despite all the dirty shenanigans, this wouldn’t be on their calendar again any time soon. Once all the seed was spilled, the boys were clearly ready to call it a night. No post-mortem, no cuddling. They weren’t even speaking to each other. I can only imagine what went on after I left.

All of these issues should be addressed before any play date is made. Couples need to be REALLY honest with themselves about what they can live with. Many peeps fantasize about group sex; but if any of the aforementioned nastiness worries you at all — even the eentsiest bit — chances are you have some soul searching to do before you make the leap to Group Town.

Remember: not everyone has to be into everything.

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Be Safe!

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