10 Rules for the Best Gay Booty Call Arrangement

Let’s face it, one of the best things about bedding guys, is not having to deal with being limited by what a female is willing to do. Well, that and cock, but I digress. A booty call arrangement, and I use “arrangement” because it is EXPLICITLY not a relationship; it’s having someone on call as your “safety” sex partner, and nothing else. This is distinct from fuck buddies or friends with benefits, it is a relationship with someone who you only share a mutual desire to get off, and nothing more.

This is someone who you’ve already ruled out for anything significant but someone with who you enjoy having sex with. Maybe he’s an idiot, maybe he’s a bore, but for one reason or another the chemistry is there in the sack.

Speaking from experience, having chemistry in bed is a wonderful and rare thing, but it often comes attached to someone who you can’t stand, and without going too deeply into analysis and the old “opposites attract” thing, there are guys you know you have no future with, but turn you on, and they’re the perfect guys for a booty call arrangement.

Here’s some rules to keep things on the straight and narrow with your booty boy, think of them as the 10 Commandments of Gay Booty Calls:

1. No sleepovers unless you’re too exhausted to get home safely OR there’s morning sex in the offing.

2. Always text me, never call me.

3. No conversations about the future; there is no future.

4. Don’t ask if I love you; I don’t. You can say you love me inside you, but you’re not allowed to love me, got it?

5. Safe sex only, I mean you’re someone who just shows up for sex on command – though in all fairness, so am I.

6. No, I don’t really want to hear about your day, I want to hear you moan.

7. Don’t show up drunk. Buzzed I can deal with, falling down drunk with erectile issues and passing out – I didn’t sign up for any of that.

8. No means no, if the timing doesn’t work for one of us, be a man and accept it graciously – no begging. Tomorrow is another day.

9. Unless agreed otherwise, the receiver of the booty call’s place is the location of the fun. If you just woke me up for this, clearly you’re up and willing to go outside to come see me.

10.Don’t expect a yes after midnight on a work night or 2:30amĀ on the weekend. You’re welcome to send a sexy text, but chances are I’ll sleep through it.

You both need to be on the same page… having a guy who’s pining away for something more with you while you get off is seriously unkind, so always be on the lookout for the warning signs. Please note: If I do end up falling in love with you, all of the above goes right out the window. You’ve been warned.

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