I have no problem with guys who play hard-to-get. I love a good chase, and the anticipation can make for an awesome pay-off. And there better be an awesome pay-off, otherwise it’s been a big waste of time led by a tease.
Just so we’re clear: a guy who plays hard-to-get still plans to be “got”, despite it being “hard-to”. He simply wants/needs for you to earn it. I generally don’t believe this type of guy is being an asshole, or is full of himself (although it can sometimes come across that way). He’s usually confident in both himself and in knowing what he wants. So his filter is simply set to eleven. Suits me, because if I’m interested, I’ll join the battle to snag him.
The first guys to be weeded out will be the ones who are impatient. They don’t give a shit about having to “prove” themselves and are looking for instant gratification rather than quality. Mr. Hard-to-Get couldn’t care less about those kinds of guys, so you’re only doing him (and me) a favor by dropping out.
Now there are less players on the field. But why would Mr. Hard-to-Get choose me over any of the others? My perseverance is a good start. And if my profile hasn’t yet turned him off (he’s still replying to my messages—albeit in a less-than-timely fashion, but that’s just how he does things), I’m encouraged to press on.
I find success comes down to three criteria:
Is there something in his profile to which you can speak directly, through experience or genuine interest?
Is there something about you/your profile that catches his attention?
Can you keep the e-chat personable, and never resort to insistence?
The first two depend much on luck. But, just like one does when fudging a resumé to apply one’s transferable skills, if you really want “the gig”, you’ll examine Mr. Hard-to-Get’s profile and find a way to make his interests compatible to your own. Keep in mind that, if he’s still e-chatting you, there must be something about you that is holding his attention. Otherwise the best you can do is focus on #3. Keep cool, and be patient. Be nice, and respect the way he uses his discretion to choose his hookups.
If, at the end of the day, you, too, are passed over, then move on. Do not blast-out Mr. Hard-to-Get for not picking you. Do not stalk him, or bombard his inbox with nastiness. And do not try to change his mind—you’ll then only come across as desperate, in which case he won’t be the least bit interested in you anyway. No means no, no matter what the circumstances. Know your own limits of patience vs. desire. And be mindful that you can’t always get what you want…
…But if you try sometimes, you just might find…you get what you need!