Pick-Up Lines that Work

Pick-up Lines That Work.  Hmm, lemme count them, there’s . . . oh, right: none!

Dear guys who use them,
They’re embarrassing. They’re lame. They’re corny. Please stop working so hard on coming up with new ones. The guys who don’t send you away are only being polite.


A-ight, a-ight, here’s where you say “my guy’s pick-up line worked on me . . .” Of course it’s not impossible to use one and not get burned. But, especially when hitting someone up online, where you have nothing but words in your arsenal, pulling it off requires a mighty big dose of:

A successful pick-up line is often impressively funny. Are you so funny that you can conceive and deliver something so original it transcends all cliché pick-up lines before it? Funny enough that the pick-up line you’re about to deliver – which, in its nature will be the first thing out of your mouth, thereby making a first impression – won’t make you look like a jackass? Have a backup ready for when you’re asked, “Was that supposed to be funny?”

Dirty Talk
Dirty talk rocks.  But using it as an opener to pick up is kinda gross. You’ll likely come across as a creep. There are things that can help your cause, like having a hot face pic AND a hot body pic AND a hot cock pic – do you have it all?  Are you so unbelievably gorgeous that the fact that you’re a linguistic stump can be overlooked? And who’s to say you’ve whispered dirty nuthins of what he’s into? Have a backup ready for when you’re told, “Not my thing.”

Smooth operators can turn words into potion; and they tend to manage best in the movies, where they should stay. Confidence, flattery, innuendo, metaphor, and humility – Mr. Suave will ram all his tricks into a poetic pick-up line sure to leave him having to hire an escort before the night is over. To him, as a backup, I suggest he have a ready-reply to, “Did it work when you tried it in front of the mirror?”

Look around. Marketing departments have made campaigns about the ridiculousness of pick-up lines (I won’t mention any at the risk of being accused of disparaging any fine products.) Parlour jokes are made of them. Good men fall because of them. Stay away from them.

There’s no better first impression than an honest smile.

Be safe!

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