To Post a Face Pic or Not to Post a Face Pic
You’re having a hot online chat with a guy who seems perfect in every way… but one: he refuses to post/share a face pic. His reason is “absolute discretion required”.
Is he a write-off? Some guys (many?) would say so. Withholding a face pic can come across as awfully suspicious to some. Has Mr. No-Pic something to hide? Some sort of physical anomaly? Facial warts? Maybe. He may also be a total stud-muffin who actually does require total discretion because of (whatever reason).
My own attitude towards face pics has wobbled back and forth over the years. Before I came out, I refused to post a face pic because I was scared shitless to be identified on a gay website. After I came out – and posted a pic – I did a complete turnaround. “Everyone else should show their face just like I did!” I thought.
But I’ve since changed my point of view yet again. There are countless reasons why someone might not want their mug splattered all over a dating site – let alone for the purposes of a sexual hookup. And I vividly recall days of being blocked or somehow made to feel ostracized for not having a face pic in my profile. I remember feeling punished simply for feeling nervous/shy/not ready. It would steam my beans to read “Anyone without a face pic needn’t bother.” (Interestingly, I often found that guys who wrote such comments were hardly stud-muffins. Why is it that so many guys think their six-pack abs make their faces better-looking?)
Zip to the present: I’m online, chatting up a guy with whom the chemistry seems awesome, but he insists he can’t share a face pic because it would be a huge professional risk. Do I pass on this potential good time? I recall from my pre-face pic days being told shit like, “I’m not going through the trouble of hooking up, only to find out I’m not interested when I see your face….”. But is that any less insulting than my agreeing to disclose a private pic online and being told, only then, “Not interested…”?! The answer is no.
Here’s the thing: if you’ve invested a bunch of hot chat-time with a guy who may not have a face pic, doesn’t all the rest of that chemistry count for something? Wouldn’t it be a shame to miss out on finding a wicked regular hookup just because the guy on the other end depends on your discretion?
Look, I’m not saying there aren’t Orks out there, hiding within their frugal, pic-less profiles. But I’ve learned from experience that there are some studly show-stoppers whom I otherwise would never have landed had I not based my decision on the hot e-chat and chemistry.
Do yourself a favor and toss your “No Pics, No Play” policy. Consider each profile individually, on its own merits, before you hit the BLOCK icon. Cuz y’know what, Mr. Abs? – when Mr. No-Pic shows up, it might be you who’s the lucky one.