Is He Really Gay Or Just Experimenting?

The answer is: who cares, really.

Some guys freak on those who aren’t sure of, or non-committal to, their sexual orientation. “He’s just playing around and getting off.” Considering how we in the gay community take casual sex as a matter of course, I find comments like that puzzling. And so unfair.

Not only can it take time for someone to determine which side of the bread they prefer to have buttered (possibly both), sometimes there is no easy answer because, for some, two sides aren’t enough. Some folks like it all.

I understand there are circumstances under which a knows-for-certain-he’s-gay guy might be at risk of being put-off:

  • You fall under the spell of someone who thinks/says he’s gay, only to later be told he’s not so sure any more. That can be a heartbreaker.
  • You hesitate hooking up because you think, unless he’s certain, the sex won’t be wild enough.

Both fair; both possibly true. In the heat of the moment, especially when acting upon a much-fantasized-about opportunity, judgement can get cloudy.

But I can’t help but sympathize with the uncertain experimenters. Here’s the thing:

  • There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with experimenting! It helps to discover who we are. And the very nature of it demands time.
  • Maybe you ARE bisexual, so you don’t have to choose. You can have the best of both worlds. Don’t let anyone punish you for that.
  • Maybe it is a phase, so what? Hopefully it’ll be a memorable one. Cheers to you.

Having said that, experimenters MUST consider the following:

  • Are you cheating and lying to someone as you secretly have “taboo” sex? You better NOT be!
  • Are you putting someone else at risk with your playing around? It’s a possibility. If so, get tested, then screw your head on straight.

Now go have fun!

We each make our own sexual blueprint. It’s ours and ours alone, although there are always others out there with whom you’ll be most compatible — so don’t be bullied by those who demand to have your orientation carved in stone. It may take a few drafts before we get it right. That’s why pencils have erasers, babes.

Be safe!

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