Uh Oh! My Gaydar is Broken

Good thing Science invented the internet. I need advice. Please feel free to pass it my way c/o here.

My being gay sometimes surprises people. There are plenty of guys like me who are Out but don’t “seem” gay. (Gutterspeak would have me insist I’m not a “Fem”; but I find that term so offensive.) Not only do I “seem” straight to others, I’ve always had embarrassingly lousy and ineffective gaydar.

How does a guy – a gay guy! – go about improving his gaydar? I’d like to know before I find myself in any more highly-compromised positions. There have been three.

I hit on three different guys over the years who were, to say the least, put-off by the gesture. I knew each them well enough within the circles I travelled. They never registered as gay on my own faulty gaydar, but in each case these guys were thought to be gay by all those around me. So in the right (wrong) places at the right (wrong) times, I struck. Making a pass at a straight guy can be risky, and I was lucky that in each case I walked away with nothing more bruised than my ego.  Oh, right: and I guess there was that humiliation that suffocated the room whenever we subsequently crossed paths.

How can everyone be so off the mark?  Why can I not tell my thumb from my pinky? As a result I do all of my dating within gay circles, either online or at gay hangouts – no gaydar required.

But I wanna make moves on guys I see outside of the gay environment. If only I could recognize them as gay! Maybe that hunk down the street who brews my coffee sans wedding ring or lisp might be thrilled to have me ask him out. Guys at work, in a bank, on the subway – how do I know without embarrassing the both of us? After three bad experiences, I’m mired in hesitation.

Too bad labels suck, because it sure would come in handy to have tattoos on our foreheads.

Mine would read, “Please be gay, too!”

Be Safe!

Leave a Comment