Gay Dating

Gay Men Using Multiple Dating Sites

Man Outside Using Laptop

It’s a Feast Out There! … Actually, I Take That Back…

When you first sign up for a dating site, the initial reaction always seems to be one of awe. “Look at all the new guys to choose from!” or “Everything I’ve been dreaming of is just a click away!” I get squirmy with glee, and soon become obsessed with all the new hookups, spending (read: wasting) way too much time on the prowl.

Then, every time, I get knocked in the head with a wake-up call: a lot of these guys are the same guys I see on other sites, only with different profile handles, different pics, and different stats. That’s right, same-old-same-old. How deflating.

There’s no question there’s a pragmatic side to this: wherever we live, there are only so many guys “in your area.” I get it. But a red flag is a guy who re-invents himself on another site, for whatever reason(s), in whatever way. Think of it like this:

If you’re ever determined to stay away from someone, isn’t it disastrous to unknowingly hookup with them via a different site?

I think so. When I sign up for a new hookup site, here’s what I do:

  1. I don’t make any connections until I’ve spent at least a couple of weeks sussing out crossovers.
  2. I cross-reference profiles that sound/look familiar.
  3. I stop myself from replying to ads, no matter how juicy, until I know the lay of the land.

And here are the double-/triple-dippers’ deets I’m cross-referencing, looking for discrepancies:

  • Is the age the same, or is there a decade’s-worth of difference?
  • 140 pounds vs. 180 pounds? waddup wit dat?
  • Safe in one profile, unsafe in another?
  • So, like, are you Neg or Poz? pick one.
  • Didn’t I see that pic of you 10 years ago?

Sure, some of this might be laziness in getting around to updating profiles; but I’m not always convinced. And here’s the frightening reason why:

I recently launched an experiment into this by creating a profile on a site targeted to guys who play bareback. Guess what I saw? A shitload of the same guys also keep profiles on “safe playing” sites. On the bareback site, they’re all about exchanging loads; on the safe site, they keep schtum about loads.

Let guys play however they like best. But I beg you, please be honest about who you are and where you stand.

Be safe! …and if not, give us a fair choice.

Tell us what you think!

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Men Tonight logo
Men Tonight is your source for gay hookup advice, site reviews, reader questions, and everything about gay dating online. Here you'll find tips and advice for gay men in the online dating scene and beyond. Read about kinky encounters, original stories, and ways to improve your sex life.

Copyright © 2020