Gay Dating

Gay Men Using Multiple Dating Sites

Man Outside Using Laptop

It’s a Feast Out There! … Actually, I Take That Back…

When you first sign up for a dating site, the initial reaction always seems to be one of awe. “Look at all the new guys to choose from!” or “Everything I’ve been dreaming of is just a click away!” I get squirmy with glee, and soon become obsessed with all the new hookups, spending (read: wasting) way too much time on the prowl.

Then, every time, I get knocked in the head with a wake-up call: a lot of these guys are the same guys I see on other sites, only with different profile handles, different pics, and different stats. That’s right, same-old-same-old. How deflating.

There’s no question there’s a pragmatic side to this: wherever we live, there are only so many guys “in your area.” I get it. But a red flag is a guy who re-invents himself on another site, for whatever reason(s), in whatever way. Think of it like this:

If you’re ever determined to stay away from someone, isn’t it disastrous to unknowingly hookup with them via a different site?

I think so. When I sign up for a new hookup site, here’s what I do:

  1. I don’t make any connections until I’ve spent at least a couple of weeks sussing out crossovers.
  2. I cross-reference profiles that sound/look familiar.
  3. I stop myself from replying to ads, no matter how juicy, until I know the lay of the land.

And here are the double-/triple-dippers’ deets I’m cross-referencing, looking for discrepancies:

  • Is the age the same, or is there a decade’s-worth of difference?
  • 140 pounds vs. 180 pounds? waddup wit dat?
  • Safe in one profile, unsafe in another?
  • So, like, are you Neg or Poz? pick one.
  • Didn’t I see that pic of you 10 years ago?

Sure, some of this might be laziness in getting around to updating profiles; but I’m not always convinced. And here’s the frightening reason why:

I recently launched an experiment into this by creating a profile on a site targeted to guys who play bareback. Guess what I saw? A shitload of the same guys also keep profiles on “safe playing” sites. On the bareback site, they’re all about exchanging loads; on the safe site, they keep schtum about loads.

Let guys play however they like best. But I beg you, please be honest about who you are and where you stand.

Be safe! …and if not, give us a fair choice.

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