Gay Dating Is Not Like Straight Dating

Here’s the thing: while we all call it “gay dating,” for most men it doesn’t really involve dating at all, at least in terms of the heterosexual notion of the term. Maybe you meet for a couple of drinks or even dinner, but with no notions of female virtue in play, most men are more than happy to have sex on a first date. This makes sense when you consider how many heterosexual men would be pleased with getting laid on a first date. The big plus to this, besides the instant gratification of sex, is that there is no double standard in play.

While there’s plenty of straight men who will gladly have sex with a woman on a first date, a large subset of them will rule her out as a long-term match as she’s “obviously a slut.” I’ve heard these words spoken by male friends of mine, and when I confront them with this obvious double-standard, where what’s perfectly acceptable behaviour on their part makes the girl no longer a suitable partner, their response is usually along the lines of me not understanding how it is in the heterosexual world. Whatever dude, I get it, you’re a stud to be lauded, and she’s a slut to be denigrated. Sure it makes perfect sense. Not.

If you’re new to gay dating, particularly online, don’t bring breeder sensibilities along with you. You’re a man and he’s a man, so you’re either both studs or both sluts. If you’re expecting to find a boyfriend, applying the rules that you learned in straight dating is a recipe for lonely nights. Assuming there is chemistry, and even sometimes when there isn’t, sex is more or less part and parcel of a gay first date. Most of the gay men I’ve known, put sex first, and then if that’s good, they will get to know the person later.

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On the dating differences between heterosexual and gay communities, some have theories about how gays didn’t get the opportunity to go through the courting rituals during their school years, though to me that seems like hogwash. I went through those dating rituals in high school, with girls, and it didn’t make sense to me then either. If a girl wanted to jump my bones, I let her and didn’t think less of her as a result. I had the same open-legs policy in effect for the guys in my life. Whether that makes me a stud or a slut (or both) is immaterial. The way I see it, men are men, and men like to have sex.

I know a gay couple who have been together for forty years. They met all those years ago in a subway station’s public restroom, where they swapped blowjobs before even knowing the other’s name. Of course they have a different version of the story for those outside their inner circle, but it just goes to show you that you never know how and when you will find the love of your life. So go out there and feel free to have all the gay safe sex you want. Eventually you’ll find your prince charming, whether it’s online, standing in line at the bank, or even in a public restroom – he’s out there and looking for you!

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