Finding a Man for Your First Gay Date

There are thousands of choices when you’re looking for gay men with which to have an encounter. At Men Tonight, we have many gay dating site reviews that can give you a good idea of what to expect. If you are a first-timer, or don’t have a lot of experience within the gay community, you need to realize that the standards of behavior for gay men are very different from what you may be accustomed to in the straight world.

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It has been said that straight men’s sexual experiences are only limited by the fact that most women are unwilling to engage with men as frequently or as indiscriminately as the male drive desires. While there are undoubtedly men who would like a blowjob from an attractive stranger they met on the train home from work, there are very few women who are in the habit of supplying blowjobs to strangers because they found them attractive.

In our society, men who have a lot of sex with many different partners are studs to be lauded, while women who do the same are sluts. We don’t agree with that societal assessment, but it doesn’t change the fact that many do. Lacking any notion of protecting some mythological “female virtue” and chastity, most gay men have no compunction about having sex on a first date.

Gay Hookups: Do’s and Don’ts

Gay dating is more often than not, gay hookups. Many of the gay men we know look at that first sexual encounter as an audition. If it falls flat, it’s on to the next one. The idea that you’re going to go out on several sexless dates, working your way to an eventual encounter, is something you’re unlikely to encounter. For most people there’s a minority of partners with whom you’re going to share a spark, so why waste time getting to the point when you discover chemistry is absent? Most men you meet on gay dating sites are not expecting dinner and flowers, or an extended courtship.

Dating site first-timers will often look for other newbies. I can understand their thinking, but it seems like a recipe for a mediocre experience. I recommend looking for a man you find attractive, preferably experienced, and let him know your story – that you’re new to this and will need a little understanding and patience. Some will take a pass while others will find it exciting, either way you will likely end up with a positive encounter to learn from. If you want to get to know them first, meet for drinks or dinner. Given your disclosed newbie status, most men will find that cute and charming.

Men are a lot more driven by their partner’s appearance than women are, it’s innately hard-wired into the male psyche. If you’re an overweight hairy guy, there are gay dating sites that cater to your demographic. Similarly if you’re a “gym god” there are sites for jocks seeking jocks, twinks seeking twinks, etc. That’s not to say that old bears never land twinks, but twinks who are looking for bears will go to a gay bear dating site, chubby chasers will go to chubby dating sites, and those looking for a quick hookup go to gay hookup sites. Be honest in your appraisal of yourself, upload accurate and recent pictures, and know what you’re looking for.

Read: Beginner’s Guide to Gay Anal Sex


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