For every thing in life there’s a first time, from the first time you walk to the first time you’re kissed. Your first gay sexual experience, whether you’re 18 or 80 doesn’t have to be a disaster, and it doesn’t have to fill you with trepidation.
We are seeing the end of the old binary straight/gay false dichotomy that has stood for ages, as well as the collapse of the so-called “moral objections” to homosexual encounters. Many men who truly dig women find themselves free to explore their urges, realizing that having sex with a man does not have to result in a permanent switching of sides, forever labelled gay or bisexual. If you are contemplating your first gay sexual encounter, knowing what’s in store will be helpful.
If you’ve considered yourself “straight” up until this point, expect to find it unsettling, especially if your encounter goes well and you’ve found that you enjoy it immensely. It can lead to a lot of uncomfortable soul searching. We’re here to tell you that no one has the right to assign you to any category but yourself. If you want to have sex with men and call yourself straight, that’s your prerogative. Judging from the vast quantity of “straight” and “str8” men you see on nearly every gay dating and gay hookup sites, you’ll be far from alone in holding onto that designation.
Like any first-time sexual encounter, you’re going to be nervous, and that’s natural, and completely understandable. If you’re a man who’s previous experiences have only been with women, it’s almost certain that your first experience with a woman was not your best showing as far as performance and staying power goes. In your first gay encounter, you’re going to have additional nerves added, so just relax and go with the flow. As you gain experience, you’ll get better and enjoy it more as you become accustomed to the different set of stimuli involved with having sex with men.
Speaking of differing stimuli, while it might seem like stating the obvious, kissing a man is different from kissing a woman. Even a recently shaved male face is going to have some degree of stubble. The texture of the skin is different between the sexes, and similarly, in kissing another man, you’ll find there’s an aggression level there that’s backed by more physical strength. While some women might appreciate you being gentle and soft, gay men are accustomed to a more physical experience.
As someone who has bedded many men whose previous experiences were primarily with women, they often disappoint when it comes to displaying an appropriate level of aggression. I don’t have deep-seated fears of being overpowered and taken against my will, and chances are you’re not significantly stronger than I am. By all means, Follow the vibe of the situation you find yourself in, but if you’re a straight guy, be aggressive and flex your strength, Don’t be overly gentle, I’m a man and can take it. While I’m not advocating straight-up dominance or anything that involves non-consent, you’ll find that men meet aggression with aggression, and it’s a very different kind of encounter than you might have experienced with a girl.
Finding a Man for Your First Gay Date
There are thousands of choices when you’re looking for gay men with which to have an encounter. At Men Tonight, we have many gay dating site reviews that can give you a good idea of what to expect. If you are a first-timer, or don’t have a lot of experience within the gay community, you need to realize that the standards of behavior for gay men are very different from what you may be accustomed to in the straight world.
It has been said that straight men’s sexual experiences are only limited by the fact that most women are unwilling to engage with men as frequently or as indiscriminately as the male drive desires. While there are undoubtedly men who would like a blowjob from an attractive stranger they met on the train home from work, there are very few women who are in the habit of supplying blowjobs to strangers because they found them attractive.
In our society, men who have a lot of sex with many different partners are studs to be lauded, while women who do the same are sluts. We don’t agree with that societal assessment, but it doesn’t change the fact that many do. Lacking any notion of protecting some mythological “female virtue” and chastity, most gay men have no compunction about having sex on a first date.
Gay dating is more often than not, gay hookups. Many of the gay men we know look at that first sexual encounter as an audition. If it falls flat, it’s on to the next one. The idea that you’re going to go out on several sexless dates, working your way to an eventual encounter, is something you’re unlikely to encounter. For most people there’s a minority of partners with whom you’re going to share a spark, so why waste time getting to the point when you discover chemistry is absent? Most men you meet on gay dating sites are not expecting dinner and flowers, or an extended courtship.
Dating site first-timers will often look for other newbies. I can understand their thinking, but it seems like a recipe for a mediocre experience. I recommend looking for a man you find attractive, preferably experienced, and let him know your story – that you’re new to this and will need a little understanding and patience. Some will take a pass while others will find it exciting, either way you will likely end up with a positive encounter to learn from. If you want to get to know them first, meet for drinks or dinner. Given your disclosed newbie status, most men will find that cute and charming.
Men are a lot more driven by their partner’s appearance than women are, it’s innately hard-wired into the male psyche. If you’re an overweight hairy guy, there are gay dating sites that cater to your demographic. Similarly if you’re a “gym god” there are sites for jocks seeking jocks, twinks seeking twinks, etc. That’s not to say that old bears never land twinks, but twinks who are looking for bears will go to a gay bear dating site, chubby chasers will go to chubby dating sites, and those looking for a quick hookup go to gay hookup sites. Be honest in your appraisal of yourself, upload accurate and recent pictures, and know what you’re looking for.