No one says you can’t fall head over heels for a guy you hooked up with. Just don’t expect him to feel the same way about you.
Especially in our community, quick-sex hookups are a norm. It’s business as usual for us to go online, connect with someone who sounds hot, meet for an insta-shag, then go our merry way. Of course we also look for relationships, but we hardly expect to find one in the hookup context.
But let’s say you do. Let’s say you meet a guy with whom you expected nothing but sex, only to discover upon meeting him that he’s quite a catch, and you’d like something more meaningful. It’s not impossible. And the guy you meet might feel the same.
It is, however, unfortunate. Hookup scenarios usually mean the Falling in Love Radar is inactive. As a result, unless by some miracle the guy instantly feels the same way you do (and, let’s be honest here, he likely won’t), you’re setting yourself up for heartache and frustration.
Here’s the trouble: the two of you had sex, which somehow makes you believe there’s a possibility that he feels the same. You chose to overlook the fact that he showed up only to get laid (sex has that nasty side-tracking effect.) Next thing you know, you’re:
- stalking him online
- inundating him with crap about how amazing it (your one and only soirée) was
- jealous when you see him chatting and hooking up with other guys online
- trawling the bathhouses looking to “run into” him
- getting your profile blocked by a web monitor
You get the idea. It’s a long, dreary road to insanity and obsession.
Look, there’s no reason why, if a hookup went well, you can’t suggest another date. Even feel free to tell him how much you enjoyed his company. Offer him your contact info. Then leave it up to him to decide if he wants more. I also encourage you to read the post “Turn a One Night Stand into a Friend with Benefits.”
But if you’re looking for love, it’s best to say within your profile, “Open to LTR”. Keep your quick-sex needs in a separate folder.
Anything else is nothing but luck and timing.