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When Pets are Jealous of Your Lover

Cat and Bow

Only Pussy Will Do

Any guy out there who’s been invited back to my place, and is reading this now, can vouch for the truth of this story. I’m curious to see if any other pet owners, besides myself, have had this problem. I’m even considering adding to my profile the disclaimer, Must be willing to negotiate with my cat.

Let’s be clear from the get-go: I do not have sex with my cat, nor does my cat want to have sex with me. That being said, she (yes, she’s a she) gets more than a little out-of-sorts when I want to have sex with anyone else.

Here’s how it happens, without exception:

1) As soon as my date starts getting heavy (but with clothes still on), the cat (I won’t name her directly, in the interests of discretion…) will pounce onto my crotch and settle there, protectively. My date will, as expected, ooh and ahh about how cute it is that she does this. I’ll lift her off and send her on her way, only to have her back on my crotch within seconds. For any guy trying to get in my pants, the novelty of “cuteness” wears off quickly.

2) Once the clothes are off and things have moved to the bedroom, my cat once again manoeuvers herself into the fold. This earns her another round of oohs and ahhs, if only for her persistence. But this, too, soon becomes an intrusive nuisance, until I have to shut her out of the bedroom completely.

3) Which leads to the door-scratching, and the crying. The guy in bed with me will, by this point, be shaking his head in disbelief. There are only two choices: we let my cat in to wander around us while we’re fucking, or we try to ignore the caterwauling outside the bedroom door as it drowns out our dirty-talk.

I’d like to think that it’s strictly a possessive-pet thing. I’m sure my cat isn’t taking any moral high-ground against me being gay. And I know for a fact she’s an atheist, so it’s not as though she’s opposed to me breaking some religious taboo (unless she’s a closet-Catholic, which would make total sense if she weren’t too smart for such a thing).

Posting such a warning in my profile will only make me look like a loser. Besides, no guy ever believes me until I bring him home to witness it for himself.

Anyone else out there have a cock-blocking kitty or canine?

Be safe!

Read: Online Dating Profiles: Please Refresh

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