Self-Sabotage Dating

Would you believe I have two—not one, but two!—friends going through the same issue at the same time, and both are calling me regularly to wallow about it? Sounds blog-post worthy to me.

With all due respect to these friends, this is a common problem: some people will convince themselves of anything just to get out of a date. They get online, meet someone, make a date, then cancel—often at the last minute—with some lame-ass excuse.

Confidence issues are what we’re dealing with here. Nothing new about that. But some people have finessed this kind of self-sabotage. They can’t even get to the point of showing-up for the date! They can’t even get to the point of dressing-up for the date! They’re sometimes so immobilized by insecurity they can’t even get to the point of formally cancelling the date!

Let’s have a look at excuses vs. reality:

I’m feeling too lazy.
Too bad. Get the lead out. Otherwise you’ll stay at home and stuff your face with chips.

I’m not attractive enough.
Based on what—your date’s profile pic? You think he didn’t post a pic that makes him more attractive than he really is?

I have nothing to wear.
As if. Or go shopping.

I can’t afford to go anywhere “nice” (expensive).
It’s a first date: don’t waste “expensive” on a guy who may not be worth it. And if you really are broke, then go for a walk.

I’m boring.
You’re only boring when you insist on talking about how boring you are.

Why even bother if it’s only one date. I want something long-term.
D’uh! Long-term starts with a first date! How else will you find something long-term?!

How many other guys is he seeing? Odds are I’ll be overlooked in a pile of dozens.
Or you could be chosen from a pile of dozens.

We’ll be incompatible.
Chances are you wouldn’t have made the date in the first place if you thought you might be incompatible.


The irony of all this being: you actually want to go on that date more than anything in the world. So do it!

And it’s true the date might lead nowhere; it might also lead everywhere. How will you ever know unless you actually show up for it?

Don’t dream it. Be it!

Be safe!

Read: How to Build Dating Confidence

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