2014: The Results Are In! Now that the holiday festivities are over, I’ve had time to reflect…
Alright, so I suck at New Year’s resolutions. Who doesn’t.
I did, however, manage to knock a few off of last year’s list: New Year’s Dating Resolutions.
Yoga, check. And I danced, I danced! And although I didn’t manage to have sex in a burger joint, I did get a mighty handjob in a quiet booth at The Keg, which I happen to think should count for at least a dozen resolutions.
Others on the list were ridiculous to begin with, and I was no doubt smoking crack when I came up with them: I will never date a guy who plays video games; I couldn’t bear to have a tramp-stamp inadvertently beheld by my Nana; and Glee — which, I’m sorry, is a totally dumbass show — can go fuck itself for the hours of my life it stole from me.
I think I was just too ambitious. Ten resolutions are surely a one-way trip to self-defeat (again, except that visit to The Keg.)
This year (that’s right, I’m feeling stupid enough to try again!) I’ll cut the list in half — and make it more realistic.
How about these:
1. Start each day with a shoulder stand”. Good one, eh!
2. Use the broom to collect dust bunnies — not my fingers. That one’s pretty embarrassing to admit.
3. Believe in god just enough to pray for a new TV series to come alongto fill the void left by Breaking Bad.
4. Don’t eat just the tips of my asparagus and broccoli. It’s so wasteful, but why do I suspect that that one’ll go by the wayside before February.
5. Get a blowjob in a bathroom stall at The Keg.
2015, here I come!
Meet new lovers this year at DiscreetGayDating!