Get my boyfriends together, pamper us with too much wine and caviar, and before too long all conversation somehow leads to straight boys we wish were gay. What can I say, c’est simplement notre manière.
Last weekend we drafted a list of Hollywood celebs whom we’d be thrilled to watch jump ship and land safely into our dinghy.
Someone please explain to us how, over the course of about 20 years, this guy went from inbred to finger-lickin’?!?! Take your time, cuz we really don’t care — we just want to gobble him up. Naked. Tanned. Covered in oil. Now. It’s remarkable how maturity — both mental and physical—can sexualize even the most unlikely of southern redneck yanks. We actually went online and found a curse: he should be sucking cock soon — hopefully ours.
This yummy widdle barely-out-of-twinktown A-lister gets more than our spider-senses tingling, and goodness knows his bubble-butt looks awesome in blue’n’red tights. Smart, talented, and young. As long as he doesn’t do anything stupid — like, say, date Lindsay Lohan, or become a Scientologist — we think we can maintain the gay-fantasy at least until the next Spiderman comes along (we did, afterall, once have a fantasy crush on Tobey Maguire, too…)
There was absolutely zero disagreement amongst us when it was put forth that this underrated cockthrob should have his own gay porn franchise. Sophisticated, silky and smooth, always with a look in his eye that suggests he’s ready to cum again as long as nobody minds. Cill, hun, trust us: nobody minds. Can we help? Please?
Although we all agreed on Leo, it was in a rather different way: we decided he’d be the perfect sexy straight-boy to prop in the corner of the party and upon whom we’d bestow blowjobs. No recip. He seems like a decent fellow — we thought he’d be cool with that.
Now here’s something interesting: What about “The Clooneys”, you might ask? Well, The Clooneys (consisting of anyone from the George, Brad, Matt, Ben, et al gang) were certainly considered. But we decided those boys’ sex appeal would crumble without the adoration of a good woman. We happily respected that and decided not to make piggies of ourselves.
Except for Ben. None of us wanted Ben. Dumb as a stump. The Clooneys can keep him.