Help! I Have a Crush on a Straight Guy!

The numbers aren’t promising. If one accepts that 1 in 10 men is gay or bi, that means that 9 out of 10 of the guys you meet are unavailable to you. While there’s a sub-set of the gay community that enjoys the challenge of seducing “straight” men, for the vast majority of us, having a crush on a straight guy is a study in suffering. Invariably it’s a friend that you’ve fixated on and it can become overwhelming to keep your feelings to yourself. You want to tell them how you feel, you start looking for signs that they might be secretly gay or bisexual and basically drive yourself crazy.

If you have a crush on someone you don’t know, like a guy at the gym or a distant acquaintance, by all means if you think you’re safe to make the approach and proposition, go ahead and do it, you have nothing to lose. Much more common and with much higher stakes, a crush on a friend can become all-consuming and you will be tempted to try to make things happen. We’re here to tell you to stop. Do whatever you can to get past this crush.

A revealed crush on a straight friend can ruin the friendship, even under the best of circumstances. Rejection and losing an important friendship with someone you obviously have a lot of emotional feelings about will be a very high price to pay for something that you could have avoided by keeping your crush to yourself. Remember, you are the only one that has control over your feelings. You can end the crush if you want, you just have to try really hard sometimes. You’ve likely already put out “feelers,” fishing for signs that you peak their interest, and if you haven’t gotten a positive response, you need to face the fact that you cannot turn a straight person gay any more than you can turn a gay person straight. It’s best to accept this fact and move on.

Perhaps the worst possible outcome is actually landing your crush. In addition to the usual risks one has with adding sex to friendships, you will become the living embodiment of their dalliance on the same-sex side of things and/or your crush will have landed you in an unequal situation where your already strong feelings are multiplied by sexual encounter(s) and your partner is incapable of feeling the same way towards you, leading to inevitable heartbreak and the end of your friendship.

While the 9 out of 10 statistic is daunting, look at it this way, with 7 Billion people on the planet, half of them male, the 1 in 10 works out to be 350,000,000 men who are also looking for a man. Do yourself a favor, sign up for a good gay dating site and find yourself someone who you can connect with on an equal basis. Nothing cures a crush faster or better than finding a new object of your desires.

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