I’m about to spew truth, so cover your eyes:
At some point in our sexual lives, we’ve all rolled the dice and gambled on unsafe sex.
Maybe you gamble regularly; maybe you’ve only done it once.
Once is all you need.
I gambled twice. It happened when I was young, new to the scene, overly enthusiastic to have the ultimate experience, and goodness knows what else I was thinking. Sure enough, the subsequent visit to the clinic was a gut-churning nail-biter.
And the second time I did it? No good reason. I was stupid. Still young. Wasn’t thinking. Probably wasted. It’s not something I like to admit. Back to the clinic I went.
Both clinic visits evoke the same memory. Here’s what I witnessed while waiting for my turn to be tested:
Fear. The looks on those waiting faces alone were enough to frighten a clown. Here was a room full of guys who, in some cases, had been waiting months for results.
Regret. There it was, clear as a sunny day. The waiting room reeked of it. I, too, counted the minutes until my turn, the whole while considering, “What the fuck was I thinking?!”
Routine. This one was interesting. Some guys came across as though this was business as usual, as though unsafe sex and the anxiety it brings was worth the gamble. It was strange to see.
And yes, I was sure I saw dead people. It’s one thing to visit the doctor and be told you have a terminal illness. It’s quite another to visit the doctor knowing you’d quite possibly brought a terminal illness on yourself. You sit there waiting to be sentenced.
I generally think I’m a smart guy, but clearly not smart enough not to get swept up in a moment of ecstasy. Twice. It took me a couple death-defying turns before intelligence and common sense kicked in.
That’s why I’m writing this. Because I recently thought about it while scrolling through profiles, wondering if any other newbies are being as stupid as I was. The answer has to be yes. Sex makes us stupid.
In this case, please learn from someone else’s experience — not your own.
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Be safe!