Ah, love! Ah, passion! …Argh, is that guy at the next table flossing his boyfriend’s teeth with his tongue?!?!
Public displays of affection can, indeed, be sweet to behold. “Ah, look at that couple holding hands. Don’t they look so in love?” I think we can all appreciate that sort of thing.
But there are line-crossers: couples who’d be better off (for our sakes!) getting a room.
*Allow me to differentiate this issue from Having Sex in Public—something we gay guys are wont to do as a sexual act, which is completely different. Sex in Public is done either discretely or within the confines of a space wherein others are also having sex. So not the same as PDAs.
Look, we’re not asking for much. It’s a measly list of things we, the strolling/eating public, care not to witness. And surely it’s not that hard to follow:
The Tongue
Keep your own tongue in your own mouth. A kiss on the lips is ok. Anything more will have us chucking chunder in no time. And don’t neck-nestle on the subway, either: licking his neck during rush-hour is just as off-putting.
Hands-free Pants
Sure, no one will really mind if you have your hand on your boyfriend’s ass while you stroll down the street. But keep OUT of the pants! There’s no reason for you to slide your fingers into his crack while you’re ordering lunch at the falafel counter. (This applies to any clothing—hands out!)
Toes
Nothing wrong with playing footsies, but for shitsake would you PLEASE not suck each other’s toes while you’re lazing in the park?! Bare toes are (well, can be) sexy, but sucking them is an intimate pastime unappreciated by your fellow picnickers. And heaven forbid you inadvertently swallow a stray ant.
Deep eye-contact
Looking into each other’s eyes is irresistible. But know this: when you’re in a restaurant, quietly gazing sweet nuthins at each other for an eternity, everyone else around you can’t help but be distracted by it. Rank it up there with picking your nose while in your car—we can all see through the glass, dude.
And one more quickie: Do you really need to sit on your boyfriend’s lap when sitting side-by-side holding hands will do, at least until you get to the bathhouse? Let’s hope not.
Thank you! We appreciate it!
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